Starting this blog has been a conscious effort to practice optimism. Each week each post is centered on looking for the positive, around planting a flower in the cracks. The past few years have been hard, and they’ve taken a toll on my mental health. The idea of planting flowers in the cracks is something that has been guiding me, and you can read more about it here: https://emilybattershell.com/planting-flowers-in-the-cracks/
While I’ve been trying to reframe my perspective, I’ve been reminded time and time again that growth and healing is not a linear thing. I’ll feel better for a bit, feel like I’ve pulled myself together, just to find myself under another gray cloud.
I’ve had one of those moments this week. Then I had three big ‘a-ha moments’ that helped me shake it off, and thought maybe they’d help you when you’re feeling that way, too!
The past couple weeks, I’ve been talking about the Labor Day Games my family plays each year. We played our tournament this weekend, and had the BEST time! It was a few days of being tucked away in a perfectly joyful bubble.
When the weekend ended I found myself feeling blue.
The real world crept back in, and I wasn’t quite ready to rejoin it.
I was wallowing in this feeling for a while, and then was struck with several reminders of keeping perspective that I wanted to share with you today.
As I picked out clothes for the work week, and tidied my space I listened to some YouTube videos. As I listened, the girl spoke about how she had been going through a hard time and then was feeling a lot better. She was reminded that life is just a series of mountaintops and valleys.
This was humbling to think about, and it resonated with me. When we’re on the mountaintop it’s easy to think that we’ve got it all figured out. That this is the time that we got it together, and it’s smooth sailing from here on out.
But we all know enough to know that just when we think we know exactly what we’re doing, life throws us another curveball and we have to reevaluate.
It’s also comforting to know that when we’re in the bottom of the valley, feeling like we’ve hit our lowest low that we will climb out of it. Things get better, even when we can’t see how they possibly could. I find strength in the reminder that I’ve pulled myself out of dark places before, and can do it again.
One morning this week as I got ready for work I pulled up a short guided meditation, and was reminded about perspective again. Meditation isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and I can’t say I practice consistently, but it’s something I’ve begun to do more this past year.
The purpose I’ve found in meditation is the practice of acknowledging how I’m feeling, but finding a way to continue on anyway. It’s a way of saying “I see you anxiety, I feel you fear, but you’re not going to ruin my day.” Or “I have things to do today, so you’re just going to have to come with me.”
I imagine my breath as ocean waves – rolling back as I inhale, and crashing to the shore as I exhale. My mind wanders to things I have to do today, or to a movie I watched recently. Or maybe I think of something that’s really stressing me out.
But I just keep practicing picturing my waves. It’s kind of like realizing that you are thinking something, and saying “okay” before turning your attention back to something else. It’s not hostile, or self-critical. It’s just noticing it and shrugging it off.
And soon enough I’m reminded that my feelings are real, but they aren’t everything. I can be in the moment, picturing my peaceful ocean waves, while still feeling my feelings.
The last reminder was perhaps the one that hit me the hardest. I love music. I love all kinds of storytelling, but music is something special.
One of my favorite singers, Kelsea Ballerini, recently put out a song called ‘What I Have’. If you haven’t heard it, you should definitely go check it out! I was listening to it as I showered one evening, and the words crashed into me.
“Even the bad days ain’t all that bad” she sang, and I began to cry in the shower. What a perfect way to say it. On the heels of a perfect weekend I was feeling blue, I was sad that it was over and missing the point of how wonderful it was that it happened!
Planting flowers in the cracks is recognizing that there are cracks, but looking for the good anyway. I’m learning all the time that healing takes time, and I’ll never be perfect. But I want to keep trying.
Like Kelsea says – “I’m doing alright, right where I’m at, with what I have”
P.S. If you’re ever looking for a little pocket of joy in your life – keep a note on your phone of days to look forward to! I’m adding to it constantly, big things and little. A new episode of my favorite show, taking a bubble bath on Saturday, holidays, birthdays, pizza on a Tuesday night. In the words of another Kelsea song “It’s the little things!”